Today is Friday, April 10th, Day 6 of the Red Stick Hostage Situation.  

What began as a protest by a handful of belligerent reporters and political pundits has turned into a hostage situation in the capital city of Louisiana, known as the Red Stick.

As we understand the facts, fuel was added to the protest by a couple of disgruntled attorneys and a dysfunctional family, creating what is now commonly referred to as ‘the ‘hunting dog siege’.   (The name was donned when certain individuals were not properly ‘rewarded’, as hunting dogs are, when they stalk their prey.)

The first hostage that was taken was Governor Bobby Jindal when he evidently refused to play politics in a manner they were accustomed to in certain circles.  Jindal’s stand against abortion and same sex marriage, as well as his promotion of sexual castration of sex offenders and the teaching of intelligent design in the classroom immediately set him on the opposite side of these ‘political terrorists’.

The second hostage to be taken was Rolfe McCollister, Jr., publisher of the Baton Rouge Business Report.  McCollister served as Jindal’s finance chairman, and uses the opinion page of his news publication to discuss his personal political views, which are often at odds with the disgruntled group.

The third hostage was Lee Domingue, a candidate in the District 16 Senate race.  Domingue is a successful businessman who authored a book openly sharing his past, a message of hope and forgiveness – all of which angered the group vehemently.

The temperature rose when the capturers discovered that all of these men, including Pastor Dino Rizzo of Healing Place Church and Julio Melara, president of the BR Business Report (also hostages) chose to support Domingue for Senate.  Obviously, this did not set well with the group of protesters, and they set out to ‘teach these men a lesson’ by attempting a coup d’etat.

According to confidential sources, requests were made by the hostage-takers to ‘do as we say, but not as we do’.  When these men did not respond as requested, the protesters became perplexed, frustrated, and struck out in a plan that made Hillary Clinton’s ‘vast right wing conspiracy’ look like child’s play.  This is when the hostage situation elevated to a code red.

(Allow me to lower my voice to a whisper so the hostage-takers cannot hear me.)  

Perhaps the most interesting facet of this hostage situation is that the hostages are not being held hostage at all, but evidently the protesters are blind to this fact!

Just yesterday, all of the hostages were seen going about their merry ways doing what they are committed to doing in life.  McCollister was evidently running his publication, Jindal was serving as Governor as well as traveling freely about the country in fundraising efforts, Rizzo was ‘caught’ pastoring his church and reaching out to his congregation, and Domingue was actually back at work in his successful business. 

All to the unseeing eyes of the hostage-takers, who are convinced they are ‘in control’.  (snicker)

It seems unfortunate that they are under the false assumption that any of these men really care about their demands.  More so, how on earth can they not realize that the only hostages are their own selves?

Nevertheless, we will continue to cover the unfolding story of the Hostage Situation in the Red Stick.  If nothing more, it’s good banter for us, and keeps our minds off of any progress their ‘invisible candidate’ may, or may not, be making on our behalf.

Until next time,

Red Stick Republican